Time to Focus on the Positive

As a mother, both during pregnancy and after your child is born, you will do anything you possibly can to keep your child/children healthy and safe.  I guess that’s why I took it so hard yesterday when the high risk doctor told Brandon and I that he was concerned enough about little baby A’s growth that he wanted to admit me to the hospital for extra monitoring.  I weathered that news fairly calm, but when he said there is a chance we might have to deliver our little guys earlier than expected, I lost it.  My thoughts were all about what I could have done to help the babies a little more.  I’ll be the first to admit that while I have been on house restriction, I have been anything but strict with my movements.  I mean, did I really have to go to buy buy baby to look at diaper bags?  Now it all seems so insignificant.  I especially felt this way when the doctor said that studies show bed rest can have a positive effect on the growth because all the blood flow is going to them growing, and not to keep me moving.  How selfish have I been?  

So here I am, at the hospital for almost 24 hours and after many tears, I am finally coming back to reality and putting things back into perspective.  The first thing being I have had a wonderful pregnancy and passed all tests with flying colors, exceeding doctors expectations. Secondly, going into this, we were told it would be a very high risk pregnancy due to the fact that there is only one placenta feeding three hungry little boys, a fact that I can do absolutely nothing about. So it should come as no surprise that we have hit this bump in the road.  Third, although the doctors are worried about the rate of growth, everyone has told me how big our babies are for 25 weeks, a fact that I feel I can take some pride in as I have been the one putting on the pounds to nourish the little honeys!

No doubt, we are in for a long, stressful couple of weeks.  The doctors were originally hoping to get me to 32-34 weeks, but it sounds like 28 weeks would make everyone happy.  I agree, 28 weeks would be great (which coincidentally is Brandon's birthday), WAY better than delivering little guys less than 2 lbs. at 26 weeks, but there is still this mother’s instinct to protect my children and I have to believe that we can make it a little longer than that,  but I will try not to be disappointed if we don’t. 

Lastly, Brandon has been my rock during all of this and certainly has not gotten enough praise from me for all that he has done, and Addie has been my big bundle of joy!  All I wanted yesterday was to see her and give her hugs and kisses. I think she was a little confused to see mommy at the hospital, especially when she had to leave and I had to stay, but thinking of her and her mannerisms and funny things she says are helping me through the day.  Yesterday, after watching me get my blood drawn and a shot, she hugged me and told me I was brave.  It’s funny how your children can bring you to tears and make you so happy all at the same time, and I’m looking forward to that feeling four times over!