The boys will be 6 months old tomorrow, home for 3 months of that, and most days I feel like I'm drowning. I'm sure I am not the only mom to feel this way, and you don't have to be raising four kids to feel this way either, but I have to say, this is the hardest job of my life! When I was pregnant people kept saying, "oh, you'll have your hands full." But I was blissfully chose to ignore all these comments, believing I could handle it. Frankly I'm glad I didn't listen, or I probably would have gone into early labor caused by sheer panic!
I am "handling" it, but only just barely. I am thankful to have help from people in the community, but there are a lot of times during the week that I find myself alone with all the kids. At those times I seriously count the hours, minutes and second until someone is there to help again!
The boys are incredible sleepers at night, and rarely wake up in the middle of the night any more, but the trade off is they do not like to sleep for me during the day. As the day wears on, they get crankier and crankier until about 4 o'clock, when we reach full meltdown mode with three babies screaming and wanting to be held! Meltdown mode also includes me and Addie, as my nerves are usually shot by this point, and Addie is bored out of her mind! I TRY so hard to give her the time she deserves and get little things done around the house, but some days it seems impossible. There are a few essential tasks I have to get done throughout the day. Aside from making sure the kiddos are fed and diapered, I have to wash bottles 2-3 times a day and whip up massive amounts of formula...we're talking like 90 oz. these days! So with all of this going on, is anyone really surprised to hear that I sometimes end up in tears by the end of the day (sometimes multiple times)?
Ironically enough, amidst all of this chaos, is when I find the perfect time to reflect. When I am feeling so overwhelmed that I want to curl up in dark corner for a few days alone, my mind starts flashing back to the early days when the boys were born and fighting for their lives in the NICU. When Brennen (he's the loudest) is inconsolably screaming his head off, all I have to do is think back to the days when he was sick with a staph infection. I have this clear mental image of him in my mind from that time and just that one thought totally changes my mind set about my screaming little guy. It makes for feel overjoyed for his spunk and spirit. Honestly, a lot of their time in the NICU was a blur, but for each boy I have a vivid mental picture of a key event that puts it all in perspective. For Liam it was when he was days old and struggling with a collapsed lung. For Graham it is being there with him and holding him as best I could as he was having one of many echo cardiograms done to check his heart.
I also have to stop and reflect back to the days when Addie was an only child. That gives me empathy for what she is going through. When she is asking me to do a million things that I know I am not capable of doing and I feel myself getting frustrated, I just have to put myself in her little shoes. Through all of this she is becoming more and more kind and thoughtful and brings me a lot of joy, especially on the bad days.
I'm sure there will be many more tears shed before things start to get better. I'm sure "better" will probably continue to be relative. But I know that if I keep making time to stop and think back at all we have been through as a family, I will always be thankful.
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| That's a handful |
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| WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! |
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| Helpful Big Sis |
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| Liam and Brennen hanging out |
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| Paging Dr. Addie |
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| Liam is a smiley guy |
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| Graham found his thumb |
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| Brothers: Graham and Brennen |
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| Brennen is all smiles |
