May I Speak Freely?

I have found when raising triplets and a 4-year old, there is not much time to stop and reflect on what has happened lately.  I have also found that is absolutely essential to MAKE time to reflect or you risk not truly appreciating what you have. 

The boys will be 6 months old tomorrow, home for 3 months of that, and most days I feel like I'm drowning.  I'm sure I am not the only mom to feel this way, and you don't have to be raising four kids to feel this way either,  but I have to say, this is the hardest job of my life!  When I was pregnant people kept saying, "oh, you'll have your hands full."  But I was blissfully chose to ignore all these comments, believing I could handle it.  Frankly I'm glad I didn't listen, or I probably would have gone into early labor caused by sheer panic!  

I am "handling" it, but only just barely.  I am thankful to have help from people in the community, but there are a lot of times during the week that I find myself alone with all the kids.  At those times I seriously count the hours, minutes and second until someone is there to help again!  

The boys are incredible sleepers at night, and rarely wake up in the middle of the night any more, but the trade off is they do not like to sleep for me during the day. As the day wears on, they get crankier and crankier until about 4 o'clock, when we reach full meltdown mode with three babies screaming and wanting to be held!  Meltdown mode also includes me and Addie, as my nerves are usually shot by this point, and Addie is bored out of her mind!  I TRY so hard to give her the time she deserves and get little things done around the house, but some days it seems impossible.  There are a few essential tasks I have to get done throughout the day.  Aside from making sure the kiddos are fed and diapered, I have to wash bottles 2-3 times a day and whip up massive amounts of formula...we're talking like 90 oz. these days!  So with all of this going on, is anyone really surprised to hear that I sometimes end up in tears by the end of the day (sometimes multiple times)?  

Ironically enough, amidst all of this chaos, is when I find the perfect time to reflect.  When I am feeling so overwhelmed that I want to curl up in dark corner for a few days alone, my mind starts flashing back to the early days when the boys were born and fighting for their lives in the NICU.  When Brennen (he's the loudest) is inconsolably screaming his head off, all I have to do is think back to the days when he was sick with a staph infection.  I have this clear mental image of him in my mind from that time and just that one thought totally changes my mind set about my screaming little guy.  It makes for feel overjoyed for his spunk and spirit. Honestly, a lot of their time in the NICU was a blur, but for each boy I have a vivid mental picture of a key event that puts it all in perspective.  For Liam it was when he was days old and struggling with a collapsed lung.  For Graham it is being there with him and holding him as best I could as he was having one of many echo cardiograms done to check his heart. 

I also have to stop and reflect back to the days when Addie was an only child.  That gives me empathy for what she is going through.  When she is asking me to do a million things that I know I am not capable of doing and I feel myself getting frustrated, I just have to put myself in her little shoes. Through all of this she is becoming more and more kind and thoughtful and brings me a lot of joy, especially on the bad days.

I'm sure there will be many more tears shed before things start to get better.  I'm sure "better" will probably continue to be relative. But I know that if I keep making time to stop and think back at all we have been through as a family, I will always be thankful. 

That's a handful

WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Helpful Big Sis

Liam and Brennen hanging out

Paging Dr. Addie

Liam is a smiley guy

Graham found his thumb

Brothers: Graham and Brennen

Brennen is all smiles

 

Welcome to Crazytown!

It's been a LONG time since I've been able to write.  I knew I would be busy and not be able to write a lot, I just didn't know it would be this long!

Today marks the 2 month anniversary of Liam's homecoming, with Graham and Brennen following shortly behind.  Let me tell you, looking back, the few short days with just Liam seem like bliss.  Even when we added Graham to the mix it seemed doable, but when Brennen came home, all bets were off...our house is now Crazytown.  Followed by (as my friend Kim, mother of twins puts it) Zombieland!

I am so blessed to be surrounded by a wonderful support system of family, friends and people in the community who have volunteered to help.  My parents and Brandon's parents have all been up to serve at least one a tour of duty.  I keep joking that I am going to get shirts printed that say, "I survived a day (or week) with the Reddick triplets!"  I also put out a call for help in our town of Rockford and was completely overwhelmed (in a good way) by the response.  Most volunteers are from the Methodist Church down the street from us.  A member of the church, Laura, is a total go-getter and just asked me what I needed and got it all lined up.  Now we have people there to help at least in the mornings and in the evenings.  Those seem to be the craziest times, especially the evenings because of trying to meet not only the boys needs, but Addie's as well.  

Addie has been having a very hard time with this transition, as I'm sure anyone can imagine.  Often times I pick up one of the boys to feed them, only to hear, "Hold me mommy" almost immediately.  I am constantly filled with mother's guilt, either because I have to tell her "not right now" so many times, or because I have to hear the boys cry for a bit so I can give her the attention she needs.  Dinner time and bedtime have become a thing of the past...it's more like survival of the fittest!  Brandon walks in the door from work at night, I pass off the kiddos and frantically shove food in my face and make sure Addie gets fed, then it's back to the grind!

The boys are still eating every three hours throughout the day, but then they'll give us a break at night and go 6-9 hours so we can get A LITTLE sleep!  I am dreaming of the days when they are going four hours between feedings or more...someday! 

Me and the kiddos have been in Indiana for the past week and a half, staying at my parents house.  It's a welcome relief to have the built-in help and I can be as cranky as I want to be and not have to worry about scaring off some volunteer!  My dad is retired and he is truly super grandpa.  He just swoops the little guys up when they are crying and soothes them, changes dirty diapers like no other and feeds them right along with me at every feeding (except the middle of the night or early morning, the guy has to have a break sometime).  In fact a few times he has been so bold as to keep the boys by himself so Addie and I can get out of the house...even I am scared to do that most of the time!  My mom cracks me up because she is constantly getting the boys confused!  I give her a lot of grief, but tonight I had a serious moment of panic when I thought I had mixed up Graham and Liam (I hadn't, she had)!  We get by with a lot of color coding...Brennen = Blue, Graham = Green and and Liam = Orange.  This does not always work, especially with clothing, and often times it's easiest just to throw them in the same outfit, but we try! This really confuses Addie, but she is getting better at telling them apart now. 

We have had a few outtings with the boys, a few times with my dad's help, a few times on my own, and a few times with Brandon.  My moment of triumph was getting the boys loaded into the stroller and out the door by 10:30a.m. so we could walk down to the toy store in town.  We got A LOT of attention and Addie got a little treat at the store for good behavior! The trip down to Indy was quite comical, as we had to stop twice for feedings (at an hour a pop), so a 4 hour trip took us over 6 hours.  It is situations like that when you just have to laugh to avoid crying!  

Brennen (I Think...)

Addie and her buddy Graham

Sweet Brennen with a paci as big as his face!

First outing, a walk to the park!

Smiles from Graham

Trying to keep everyone happy

Sleepyhead Graham

Sleepyhead Brenen

Down by the river with Papa

Hmm, I think I'll nap (says Liam)

Daddy with Liam and Brennen

The Trifecta of Trouble

I am including a few pictures we have taken the past two months.  I keep joking that when the boys grow up they will ask where all the pictures are of their early days.  To which I will respond, "We were too busy surviving to take pictures!"  I wish I had more, but they are all stored safely on our server at home, which of course I don't have access to right now.  It might be another two months before I surface again, and hopefully there will be some light at the end of the tunnel!

Brennen's BIG Day!

Wow, what a surprise!  Just a few days after we brought Graham home, the doctor called and said we could bring Brennen home as well! That was on Friday, and by Saturday afternoon, July 7th, he was home!  The little guy went through a lot in 92 days, some of the scariest moments of my life!  He has so much spunk to him, that even when he cries his loudest, which is very loud, I just have to laugh and appreciate his vigor, because without it, who knows what would have happened. 

It's crazy to think that our little 2lb. 2oz. baby was discharged weighing 7lbs!  He has come home with a feeding tube, like his brother, but I feel he's got all the skills and just needs to build up some stamina.  In the few days that he has been home he's already gotten better and better. 

It was very emotional to leave with Brennen.  We were obviously thrilled to bring him home and complete our family, but there were tears shed looking back at the entire journey.  I learned so much about myself throughout it, and have spent a lot of time reflecting (more on that in another post).  We were also surrounded by a wonderful support system at the hospital and had many primary nurses who not only took care of our boys, but took care of us.  I can't count how many times I broke down in tears, for no apparent reason, sometimes on a daily basis!  They were always there to comfort me and assure me that what I was feeling was normal, and everything would be okay. 

I don't know if it will every happen, but Brandon and I have said that if we ever become millionaires, we are giving a huge chunk of change to Helen DeVos Children's Hospital.  

It's pretty crazy around here, so I don't have much time to write, but I wanted to thank our nurses...Miranda, Megan, Katie, Kathy, Sheri and Stephanie (our primaries), also Paul, Abby, Rachel and Holly who cared for the boys a lot, or where just there in the room supporting us.  You all made a very tough situation a lot better! We also had wonderful social workers, Julie and Rhonda, who filled out all our paper work and just said "sign this" and made it very easy for us.  Amy Nyberg, the March of Dimes NICU support person is such a kind caring person, who has lived what we were going through and was always willing to listen (we will be volunteering our time in the future).  Sue Teman, the nursing manager is was also always around and willing to listen and help us out.  Our primary doctor, Dr. Ben Doctor, who oversaw their care with the utmost thought and detail.  He was wonderful at explaining everything to us so we would understand. The NNPs were all wonderful and I don't even know how many times Collette and Alicia listened to me vent late at night on the night shift! To all those that we have met along that way that I might have forgotten, thank you for everything. 

I also want to thank our friends and family who supported us through all of this, and continue to do so....we know it will take a village to raise this brood! 

Now we're moving on to the new phase with our family, which is sure to be filled with much excitement (already is)! 

Graham's BIG Day!

I've waited 88 days to write this post and tell everyone that Graham is home!  He was discharged on the 4th of July.  We were very excited to bring him home, but it was also very emotional to leave little Brennen behind.  He looked so lonely in his little corner of the unit without his brothers to keep him company, and I cried this time when we drove away.  But I know it's only temporary and he'll be home with us very soon! 

Graham has come home with a feeding tube because he still hasn't figured out the whole bottle thing.  I've never seen a kid so big who doesn't like to eat!  We have learned how to feed him by gavage, after first attempting to bottle feed him, but we're hoping the whole feeding thing will click soon and we'll be able to take it out.  

He is just such a laid back guy...the first night home he just chilled out in Brandon's lap for a few hours, just taking in his new surroundings! Most of the time, however, he sleeps!  I was laughing today because Liam had been up for a few hours and Graham had been asleep for a few hours.  I'll enjoy the moments when they all sleep at the same time!

This is a very short post because it's almost feeding time again!

Family picture...Addie ran away!

The only pic Addie would take

Graham is SO excited to go home

I'll be home soon guys

Waiting on my brother

 

Liam's BIG Day!

All Ready to Go Home!!!

I have been waiting so long to write this entry....84 days to be exact!  Today Liam (baby "C") was the first to come home!


Tuesday we met with the neonatologist to discuss the boys' discharge and we settled on today as Liam's discharge date, with or without a feeding tube in place.  We were nervous to tell too many people he might be coming home, as it's common for discharge dates to be moving targets.  But we were lucky and there were no issues to prevent him from leaving. 

The doc decided to let Liam and Graham try "In Demand" feedings instead of every 3 hours, and low and behold, Liam took off like a champ with his bottles and got his feeding tube out the next day!  So he was able to come home without any "accessories"! I'm not sure what the in demand feedings will mean for our schedule; probably one little guy will run the show and the rest will follow!


The doctor in charge of discharge went over Liam's whole history with us before we left, and I have to admit, it was very emotional to rehash all that he had been through. He was intubated for a few days, had a collapsed lung, and a hole in his heart.  Now he is a healthy little "newborn" weighing in at 7lbs. 12oz.

Happy Mom and Dad!

It was also tough to leave Brennen and Graham behind, but as the nurse said, Liam is the Scout, going to check things out and report back to the other guys that things at home are pretty nice! Graham will probably be home this time next week, and we'll have to wait and see about Brennen, he might have a few more weeks.  It's hard to know how the next few weeks will go until they are all home...I imagine it will be even tougher than having them all in the hospital.  We'll probably be very busy!

Don't Forget About Me!

And Me Too!

Snuggle Time at Home with Dad

Crazy Big Si

Liam has gone pretty easy on us today and Addie is doing okay with the change (so far). Our biggest problem is deciding who gets to hold him! Now I am enjoying some quiet time while him and Addie sleep and Brandon is at the hospital.  I'll enjoy it while it lasts!

This is How We Roll

More big changes happening in the Reddick household!  We are getting closer and closer to the boys coming home and everything seems to be falling into place.

The boys due date, June 21st is tomorrow! Believe me, I was really disheartened when I realized we would not have any boys home a few weeks ahead of their due date, as the doctor initially anticipated.  So here we are, on day 72 and I REALLY think we're almost there!  The cribs are all put together, the mini van has been purchased, now all we need are babies!

Brennen at 2 months

Brennen was taken off all oxygen support today, and at the time of this posting, still doing really well!  He weighs in at 6lbs. 2oz!  He is still breathing pretty fast, so we have not been able to try him with a bottle consistently, but if the way he goes to town on his pacifier is any indication, I think he'll be a champ!  He really is the sweetest lil' guy who loves to be cuddled, especially while he's being fed.  He has some pretty bad reflux and it helps him to get through without alarms if someone is holding him.  Personally I  think he's figured out that Graham and Liam both get held when they get their bottles, so he thinks it's only fair that he's held too! I am trying not to get my hopes up, as I had always thought in my mind that we would be staying a few weeks longer than his brothers, and likely come home with oxygen support, but that might not be the case now.  Who knows, he could just get it all figured out and fly on out the door!

Graham at 2 months

Graham is the epitome of the phrase slow and steady....and BIG!  He weighs in at a whopping 8lbs. 15oz!  He's definitely sporting the double chins, but he pulls it off so well!  Unfortunately he has not made any great strides at taking the bottle, even though we have been working with him for over a month now.  He will more than likely come home with a feeding tube in place.  If this happens, they will teach us how to change his tube and give him his feeds, while still working with him on taking the bottle.  For some reason it feels like an especially long road we have traveled with this guy...maybe it's because he's been stuck in the same place for so long without much progress.  At this point, I just want him home and am willing to do what it takes for him to be here.  He definitely likes his snuggle time too, especially when it's with one of his brothers!

Liam at 2 Months

Liam has made some big strides over the past few weeks.  He went from barely taking a quarter of his feeds and breathing fast, to taking almost all his feeds with relative ease.  I don't know if I've explained it before, but in order to come home they have to take all of their feeds over the course of 48 hours and not lose any weight.  One of our primary nurses, Miranda, who knows they boys very well, thinks he will get to come home very soon...maybe even this weekend or the first of next week! He weighs in at 7lbs. 3oz.  He is very alert and just loves looking around and taking everything in.  I can't wait for him to experience more than the boring old NICU unit!

Besides what has been happening with the boys, we've also had a lot of other events going on at our house!  Addie turned 4 on June 11th and we went to Indiana to celebrate with our families.  I think she was especially spoiled this year, and received an abundance of my little pony and princess items!  She too is anxious for the boys to be home, mainly so we don't have to drive to the hospital anymore.  I couldn't agree more.

Brothers - Brennen, Graham and Liam at 2 Months

We also sold our SUV and have officially become mini-van drivers.  Kind of a hard pill to swallow, but in all honesty, I kind of like it!  Although I did have a moment of self pity yesterday when I was heading to the hospital, rocking out to Florence and the Machine.  I've definitely lost the cool factor! 

Lastly, we found out at the beginning of the week that Brandon has been transferred to work at Haworth's headquarters in Holland, MI. This is definitely an answer to one of our prayers, as we have been hanging out here in Rockford, about 50 minutes south of where he was working in Big Rapids, with the hopes that some day we would be able to move to Holland and settle down.  So that means there will be a move sometime in our future...We'll start taking volunteers now because I imagine with three newborns we'll need the help!

Birthday Girl Ariel

Addie turns 4!

I am ending this blog optimistic that the next time I write it will be to let all of you know that Liam has been discharged from the hospital! 

Check out this Bad Boy - This is How we Roll!

 

Looking Toward the Future

I feel a need to blog right now...does that make me an official blogger or something?!? I originally intended this blog to be an update about my pregnancy and the boys, and while it will still serve that function, I'll admit, it's become a bit like therapy for me, especially after rough days at the hospital.  So as the boys continue to improve and eventually come home (we WILL be partying when that happens), I figure this will transition into something more of a glimpse into what is sure to be come a crazy life! 

It's been a bit since I last posted and it seems a lot has happened.  It's been a very emotional day for me, as I officially resigned my position at Haworth to become a full time mom to 4 beautiful children.  I consider myself so blessed to be given my kids, especially 3 at once, and feel this is what I am supposed to do at this point in my life.  If you had asked me when I was graduating college where I would be in 10 years, I would not have said a mother of four.  But, I guess someone way more powerful than me had different plans, and who I am to try to fight it?  Now I am sure there will be moments of regret about giving up a job I truly enjoyed doing with people I enjoyed working with (just a minor freak out in the car on my way home).  I am also 100% sure there will be moments when I am going out of my mind with three little boys running around and crave adult interaction. I am also terrified about running a household with four kids and one income, but as my mom says, I just have to embrace the challenge and make a game out of seeing how much we can do with less.  The important thing is everyone is happy and healthy, the rest will come.


I haven't been to the hospital yet today, probably make that trip soon, but I can report the boys are doing so well and improving every day!  Brennen has surpassed the 5lb. mark and is 5lbs. 4oz., Graham is a monster 7lbs. 8 oz., and Liam is 5lbs. 14oz.  It is so fun to see their little personalities develop.  Of course they will probably laugh when reading this in the future at what I THINK they will be like!

Brennen, off CPAP!

Brennen is now off his awful CPAP and on nasal cannula.  He is doing so well and makes me happy that I stepped up and fought for his right to move forward when the docs wanted to keep him on CPAP.  I am just overcome with emotion when I look at him and think back to just a month ago when he was fighting so hard against the staph infection.  I must say he has a lot of spunk and lets you know immediately when he needs changed.  He has to have all that spirit to overcome what he has gone through.


Graham is continuing to learn how to nipple and slowly improving.  His laid back 'tude just makes me smile, but I also hope it doesn't get in the way of him coming home, because I know he can do it if he would just wake up for feedings!


Liam is now off oxygen and breathing all on his own.  I was able to nurse him last night for the first time ever and it was a wonderful to be able to relax with him.

Graham, in a milk coma

Last week we had the best night at the hospital with Addie.  She held Liam for over an hour and it was like the mutual admiration society.  Liam just stared and Addie and she right back.  She held him during one of his feedings, which normally cause him a lot of distress, but with her, he sailed through and did not have one alarm.  While she was holding Liam, I held Graham and Brandon held Brennen.  I pictured that it could be like that a lot at home! Addie went to school the next day and told everyone that she got to hold one of her brothers, but she wasn't sure which one, but he stared at her the whole time! 


Addie is a lucky girl and gets to spend the week in Indiana with her grandparents.  She'll be 4 years old on Monday and wants to have a My Little Pony party.  I am so proud of her and how she is adapting to becoming a big sister.

Addie and Liam

Just to solidify my new position as domestic engineer (or whatever they call stay-at-home mom's these days) I  just tackled the monumental task of doing dishes and cleaning out the refrigerator.  Sadly enough, cleaning can also be very therapeutic!



Okay, I am finished gushing about my kiddos.  This day seems impossibly long, although it's only 7:15, but writing it all out makes me feel so much better, and secure in my decision.  So thanks for caring! 

Slow and Steady

Slow and Steady...that is the mantra I keep repeating over and over in my head.  You see, I had an it in my mind that the boys would start coming home at a certain time (like next week) based on what the doctor had told us, and now it is clear that is not going to happen.  I just can't even describe the unsettled feeling I have, and don't think it will go away until Brennen, Graham and Liam are all home (and we have the cribs set up and a mini van purchased).  

Things have not changed much over the past weeks, just VERY SLOW.  Brennen is still on CPAP and it breaks my heart every day to see him to miserable. It's kind of a chore to get him out to hold him, but it's well worth it when he settles in falls fast asleep on my chest. The doc is hoping to try him off next week, so I am praying he will do well and be able to breathe with the help of the nasal cannula.  Graham is breathing on his own, and it sounds very simple to say all he has to do is learn how to eat and he can come home.  BUT, the little guy is very laid back and likes to sleep a lot rather than wake up to eat!  I think he has it figured out that if he doesn't take a bottle, he'll still get his fill delivered right to his tummy!  Liam is on nasal cannula, and seems to be the most alert and curious of the three, but his breathing is not slow enough to try to give him a bottle, so for now, he's just hanging out looking around with his wide inquisitive eyes!  

I would prefer not to be a regular at the children's hospital, but for now, that is our life.

Lil' Brennen, taking a peek

Cute smile from Graham

Liam taking a rest

Big sister Addie at the zoo